Costco Crazy
by BelivetheBeauty
Summary: Edward and Jacob take Renesmme to Costco what could go wrong? Please read this is hilarious
1. Chapter 1

This story is one of my more original works and is I think really funny!

I don't own twilight  Enjoy!

Edwards POV

I rolled out of bed it was morning and I didn't want Renesmee running in here to find her parents unclothed. Bella had just come out of the bathroom dressed and carrying three baskets of dirty clothes. "Hello, Love" I murmured as I pulled on my pants from last night. She pulled up her shield and I could tell how hectic her day was turning out to be. "I just have a lot to do before we go to Europe" she told me as she yanked the sheets of the bed adding them to the laundry. I had recently figured out Bella had always wanted to visit Europe I've been there plenty times but it would be a good experience for her and Renesmme. Carlisle had recently found a vaccine that combined with another medicine stunted human growth but forced Renesmmes body to grow slower at human pace. She looked about three but was incredibly advanced. She wandered into the room her tiny nightgown on and her small feet bare. She was wearing her mothers face and climbed up into my lap. After the whole volturi fiasco it was nice for things to be calm. "Daddy, mommy's going crazy "Renesmme whispered I grinned at her and Bella sat down. Holding Renemee to her. "No, I'm not going crazy I've just got a lot to do." "How can I help "I asked my poor Bella shouldn't have to do all of this by herself. "Well would you mind going to Costco for me?" She asked "Of course not love" I beamed "Alice is going crazy so were going shopping after I finish this" Her eyes wandered to the laundry. I had no idea what Costco was but If Bella needed help Id help her anyway I could. "I'll take Renesmee too" "Oh thank you Edward" She smiled as she picked up Renesmme to go dress her. Ten minutes later we were getting ready to go. "OK I need you to get a swimsuit for Renesmme and sandals for her if you can find them. And perhaps if you could get her a small backpack and something to do the plane" "Thank you Edward" She smiled as she kissed my lips lingering there . She put Renesmmes sweatshirt on and kissed her setting her on the floor "You be good for daddy" "Bye Mama" she waved as we walked out the door. "Can we run !" she giggled I took her hand and we took of me running slower so she could run easily. We stopped at my Volvo and I put her in the back buckling her in. I heard a voice behind her and the air was polluted with dog." Jacob" I said making it sound like a threat "Can I come?" he asked I felt bad he would be without Renesmme for a week and a half. "Sure" I agreed we had formed a bond the beginnings of a friendship. He climbed in the backseat with Renesmme "Jacky!" she squealed. I climbed in to the driver's seat and began the ride to the place known as Costco. We got there and as I pulled in I saw how huge the store was it was a giant ware house. We walked in Renesmme holding my hand. "This place is huge" She said looking up. There were people everywhere with giant carts full of everything in bulk. I yanked Renesmme up by the arms to carry her when a cart nearly hit her. I got disapproving looks from all the mothers I suppose if you had done that to any other three year old there arms would have come out of there sockets. Just then I was bombarded with everyone's thoughts most in a hurry but many were strange saying "Oh no the peanut butter!!" "My alarm, my arm!" "Ohhhhh! Hottie" The voice came from someone looking at me I turned to see a man in his early twenties with orange hair and a flat cart full of Friskies wet cat food up to his chin. He had a strange purple v-neck shirt and short shorts on. He looked like he had stolen things out of Rosalie's closet. "Ok" he thought "Just go up to him hi I'm Kitinyiuo" add a sexy pout and boom baby he's yours" Jacob was looking straight down trying not to laugh at my horrified expression. Jacobs thoughts made it worse "See you have a friend there" he laughed under his breath. I noticed the man named Kitinyiuo was right behind me I nearly jumped out of my skin. I almost dropped Renesmee as Jacob yanked her up before she fell. Handing her back to me. "Hey "Kitinyiuo said a little to loudly. "Hello" I mumbled "So so sexy" he chanted in his mind "So ya want me to show you the ropes, or ya know we could date" I flashed my wedding ring as I walked head down forward. Once we were away Jacob burst into laughter. "Hi im Kitinyiuo" he mocked. "it wasn't funny " I mumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

Costco Crazy

By: ME I don't own twilight but I do own the idea nope I don't own Costco but I do own"Kitinyiuo!

Edwards POV

The men's restroom was disgusting and the urinals were spilling over I carried Renesmme thru the bathroom. Trying to ignore one mans pervert thoughts aimed at my daughter I was ready to pull his head off. Jacob looked ready to as well. I pulled her into one of the stalls. After she went to the restroom I tried to make sure she touched nothing.

I held Renesmme so she could wash her hands. "Aren't you going to wash your hands?" I questioned Jacob he rolled his eyes " I didn't pee on my hands" he reached for Renesmme as he said this I kept a tight hold on her ignoring his reach. His hands fell in defeat. And I walked to the exit quickly.

When we reached the main isles I sighed in relief out of the creepy restroom. Renesmee smiled her angelic smile at me and I couldn't help but grin back. She had me wrapped around her tiny fingers. "Such a pansy" Jacob laughed. We headed to the clothing section. I grabbed a swimsuit for Renesmee. Guessing her size. We walked for awhile. When Renesmme stopped I had been letting her walk for a while so I guessed she was tired I stopped to pick her up but When I turned She was gone

Stay calm I told myself panic rising. I looked at Jacob he looked just as panicky. I had lost Renesmme. How, what where. I looked around "Ill take the right you take the left "he told me running off as fast as he could to look human. I took off the other way panic, Ten times worse then ever losing Bella in any place.

Jacobs POV

Where was Renesmme! I was panicking and freaking out trying to stay at a near human pace looking for nearly twenty minutes I heard a soft child's soprano voice overhead "HI Jaycky !! I looked up slowly to see Renesmme fifty five feet above me on one of the shelves. I froze trying not to scream "Get down here right now!" I yelled she jumped. I nearly swallowed my tongue she landed in my arms with a thump she snuggled into my chest and I kissed her head. Relief washing over me. She placed her hand on my cheek

Showing me my panicked face. "You scared me "I mumbled. "Sawwy." She kissed my cheek. How could I stay mad at her? "What do you think about playing a trick on your dad" She clapped her tiny hands together.

Cliffy!!! The next chapter will be so so funny includes a prank on Edward! Tell me what I should add any thing else in futer chapters Hit the Review THANK YOU!


	3. Chapter 3

Costco Crazy Chapter 3!!

I'm updating finally!! I'm going to make my chapters longer and I will not make it one long paragraph! Thanks for the suggestions Luv ya guys

I don't own twilight sorry!

Jacobs POV

"So Nessie, my plan is you hide under that shelf" I said pointing to a shelf were the boxes could block of her hiding place. I put Nessie down so she could hide in her hiding spot "Know," I began placing her in between the boxes "Try to not think of anything that could give you away" She nodded as her curls disappeared I hid on the other side to watch the chaos unfold

Edwards POV

I was walking at an annoying human pace trying to find Renesmee, where was my baby. I was focusing hard to try to find her voice in my head but couldn't. 'Where did she..." I was pulled to the ground falling hard and screaming. Okay it's not manly but I screamed not loudly but I still screamed.

Just then Jacob ran out from behind the crates and an image of me falling and screaming played over and over in his head he reached over me to pull Renesmee out of the crate she smiled angelically at me I yanked her out of his hands holding her close to me "You've corrupted my baby" I growled. He grinned back I didn't know you would scream like a baby he laughed.

We walked to the book section to get Renesmee something to do in the plane.

Jacobs POV

We strolled to the book area Renesmees hand in mine as she skipped ahead of me. "I'm going to go get the back pack" Edward said walking away from us. I turned to see a woman behind me standing with her hands on her hip "No" she yelled I turned around she stared me in the eye "Do you want to change your life or not !" she yelled stamping her high heeled foot on the floor the heel cracking off. "Umm" I answered.

"Well then yell about it" she yelled after a pause. I paused starring at her when a couple seconds later she screamed "Yell!" "Ahhhhhhhhh!" I yelled She stared at me pushing her hair behind her ear revealing a blue tooth. I turned around grabbed Renesmme and ran as fast as I could to find Edward

Sorry it wasn't as long as I wanted it to be The next chapter will include Edward getting attacked by an old lady! Tell me if you have any suggestions

PLEASE REVIEW!! LUV YA GUYS


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